6. The Concept of God to Jesus-Child who was Searching Answers within Himself
When I was, in your very lowest material form, in the human flesh, and when my human consciousness was also on the very lowest mortal level then I was also unable to perceive as to what was Jahowe-Jahve as the Jews were calling the God of Israel, the Father of Israel. Even as a child I could not understand as to why there was some higher Power that was called the Father of Israel, and that had to be feared because he should punish one if he is not obeyed.
How could a loving Father punish His children when even a human loving father was trying to find a way to reach the mind of his child so that the child would understand his teaching and explanation, and he would not right away resort to punishment if the child did not understand something and did something not the way the earthly father was asking him to do.
It was beyond my understanding that such a Supreme Power could behave worse than an earthly father, and an unwise father at that, to demand a sacrifice of live lambs or other animals and birds so that man would receive a reward from it.
All this seemed to my mind that this Supreme Power, that was even called the Father of Israel, had less wisdom than the earthly parents had for they did not demand from their earthly children to kill any animals to cause their love for their own earthly children.
And when such thoughts were permanently arising in my head I had nobody at hand whom I could ask as to why God was so relentless, why He was so revengeful, why He had to be feared of and obeyed all the time, why I could not commune with Him directly but rather thru rabbis?
My mind could not find convincing answers so that the arguments would be solid. And there remained nothing else to my mind but to talk with itself. And that type of directing my view to my own inner self would bring me ever growing satisfaction for surprisingly to myself I felt that I began to find some answers. And those answers were convincing to me so much that I started to ever more relish this conversation with my own self.
And why should not my mind follow those responses it was receiving even though being unable to understand as to how those answers were generated in it? However I began to trust ever more those responses that God did not really punish anyone and did not make anyone suffer, He loved and shone light, and it was the people, due to the fears of their ancestors passed over to them, that were afraid of that light for they did not know that the questions I was posing to myself they could also pose to themselves. And they could also receive those responses that would soothe them and explain to them as to why they could not be afraid of God that He could punish them each time. Even though being unable to know the source of those thoughts of mine that were piercing my mind deeper and stronger to reign it I started trusting them more and more. However, I could not talk frankly about it with anyone else for nobody wanted either to understand or at least to talk about my mere hints that God loved no less than an earthly father and that He did not punish anyone more than an earthly father.
Thus I had to address these same questions to myself and discuss them with myself further on; and since my very early age. But as my own thoughts were becoming more different from the ones dominant in my environment people would get irritated very easily if I told them something contrary to what they had been thought by the so-called scriptures of their parents, grandparents, and all the other ancestor generations. Due to this fact my environment by no means could render me any assistance in finding answers to new questions ever coming to my mind.