12. “My Conversations“ with the Father

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Such an experience was new and unusual to me. Therefore I could not understand as to how those bright thoughts were reaching me? Where were they from? But I decided for myself that they might really be from the Father. If I put a question to Him and after a while such a thought arrived that helped me understand the issue I had not understood before so I attributed that elucidation to the Father. And I started saying to myself that I was responded that way by the Father. 

Gradually, I began to call such conversations of mine as “My conversations with the Father.“ Even though I could not tell anyone about it, even within my family, for I would have been taken for a child beside himself but personally I was feeling a pleasant sensation after those, as I had named them, “My conversations with the Father.“ And then I was experiencing a joy of I having a secret that was known only to “My beloved Father,“ and to myself.

The deeper I submerged into those, also inconceivable to me, periods called by me by such a name that was beyond understanding to anyone in my environment, the more I began to experience that such a conversation with the Father as mine was necessary to all the people for it started to influence me to a greater extent from within; but to influence me for the better. I began to feel that I was turning from a quick-to-flare-up young man into an ever more patient one. If previously my words had hurt many merely because I had bravely spoken them out to stand for my opinion then I began to realize more clearly that everything I was understanding and feeling was not understood and felt in a similar way by my friends or by other people who did not want to listen to my truths because they were scared by them. Then, I began to realize that I had to tell others in such an open manner not everything to arouse fewer contradictions and less to set people against me. Thus, gradually, I was learning how to deal with all – even with my parents since they were objecting to my views even though they did not resist them, like did others, that fiercely.      

I was always saved by my sincerity. The majority did notice that I was sincere and not seeking any benefit for myself. They would forgive me for those outspoken words that were unacceptable to them while the questions simply scared them, and they could not find any answer to them in any way. Even such a thing as that one when I asked my father for a cause of lightening and thunder he frankly confessed he did not know it. He did not know it since Jews had not been taught such things. To me such ignorance was strange, for at that time I was only eight years old and considered my father to know everything and be able to explain to me many things that I had no idea of. Now it appeared it was not true. Even my father‘s authority in my eyes faltered. And again I brought this issue up to my own consideration and subsequently, as I mentioned, those conversations of mine transformed into my talk with the Father on high.


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